Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
