A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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