Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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