Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
