I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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