what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
