if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
