Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
