so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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