What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
