I heard we made out
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
