good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's shark week go big or go home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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