You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
