one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I only lived at night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
