using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
