I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
