Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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