carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Randomize
