Will you blow on my dice?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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