My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
