Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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