He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
