Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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