the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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