direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
