Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
