I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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