U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
