i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
