she woke up with a sticky ear
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?