You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
