I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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