you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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