I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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