Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
