saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
