woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When are your genitals available?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
