I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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