am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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