I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
