And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
