Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
