i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
