My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
