I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
