I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
