I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
