Someone shit on the floor
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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