I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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