Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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