do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
