Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
