I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ikea night.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
