that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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