Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
