Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
