Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
