There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
where are my eyebrows?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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