??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
