My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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