that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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