How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
