I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
