Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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