in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
