what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
is it fun? or sober?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
