are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
