Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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