i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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