He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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