I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
