We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
