the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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