seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
